Falsely Accused of Domestic Violence?

Beware cheaters...there's a new game in town!

2009-06-28T13:44:00.000-07:00

I was watching HULU and found this nifty show, it it a female private investigative firm who specializes in 'cheaters' and setting up stings so those jilted lovers can find out the truth about their mate.

I wish it was around before I had a reason to create this blog, or my website. I could have been much happier and not feel the pain I feel even to this day. Wel...watch the show, very true to life.

Voices from the Grave, Betrayed by a Restraining Order

2009-05-02T22:02:00.000-07:00

Voices from the Grave, Betrayed by a Restraining Order
By Carey Roberts | Apr 5, 2009

Debi Olson had three restraining orders taken out against her. But that didn’t stop the woman from ambushing ex-husband Mauricio Droguett in an Iowa shopping mall last July, fatally stabbing him in front of shocked mall-goers.

Toni Brown of Washington, DC was shot by former girlfriend Raina Johnson on August 12, 2008, leaving the woman paralyzed from her neck down. Johnson is currently serving a 28-year sentence for a crime the judge termed “extraordinarily brutal.” A restraining order had been previously issued against the assailant.

Karen Allende of New York City was walking to work on a September day in 2006 when she was attacked suddenly by her husband. She died that morning on the sidewalk, a restraining order folded neatly in her purse.

Each year 2-3 million domestic restraining orders are issued for the purpose of curbing domestic violence. Simply put, these orders of “protection” are a hoax foisted on unsuspecting victims, all at taxpayer expense.

Restraining orders are a travesty for the simple reason that they don’t work.
Debi Olson had stalked her ex-husband across the country and worked herself into a lather of spiteful rage. Does anyone in their right mind really believe a piece of page will deter a person who is that intent on killing her former partner?

And a 1994 study published in the American Journal of Public Health followed 150 women in Houston, Texas who had applied for a restraining order. Eighteen months later the researchers found no difference in abuse levels between women who received the order compared to those who did not.

Ruing the lack of benefit, a 2005 report from the Independent Women’s Forum noted restraining orders can “lull women into a false sense of security.”
Some persons would simply shrug their shoulders, saying there’s an example of yet another well-intentioned but useless government program.

But other research shows restraining orders can actually make a touchy situation worse. One Department of Justice report, “Civil Protection Orders: Victims’ Views on Effectiveness,” found that six months after issuance of the order, the percentage of persons experiencing repeated physical abuse or stalking had doubled, and the number facing psychological abuse had tripled.

So how do restraining orders add fuel to the fire? The reason is restraining orders are often issued on the say-so of the complainant – all she has to do is tell the judge she is “frightened” or “afraid” of her partner – no proof needed.

According to a study published in Cost Management last year, 71% of restraining orders are trivial or false. But according to the Connecticut Office of Legislative Research, “nothing is being done to stop frivolous requests for restraining orders.”
So how would you feel if you were booted from your house and told you couldn’t see your kids because your partner happened to be feeling blue that day?

Other times a restraining order is part of a calculated effort to gain a tactical edge during a divorce action. A 2005 article in the Illinois Bar Journal revealed restraining orders are “part of the gamesmanship of divorce.” Elaine Epstein, former president of the Massachusetts Bar Association, once confided, “Everyone knows that restraining orders and orders to vacate are granted to virtually all who apply.”

Tales abound of schemers who violate the terms of the restraining order, heaping even more penalties on the hapless man.

Last summer Marshall Crandall of Vassalboro, Maine got into an altercation with his wife. By the woman’s own admission the exchange was mutual: “I picked him up three or four times and slammed him on the ground.” But when the police arrived, they arrested only the man and a restraining order was taken out against him.

Once in jail, she visited him on three occasions. Even though she had initiated the contacts, they were seen as a violation of the restraining order. That unwanted attention earned Mr. Crandall nine months behind bars.

By placing the burden of proof on the accused to show his innocence, many worry restraining orders violate fundamental notions of fairness and due process. At one New Jersey seminar, startled judges were told, “Your job is not to become concerned about all the constitutional rights of the man that you’re violating as you grant a restraining order.

Throw him out on the street, give him the clothes on his back, and tell him, ‘See ya’ around.’”

Judge Milton Raphaelson of Massachusetts once opined, “Few lives, if any, have been saved, but much harm, and possibly loss of lives, has come from the issuance of restraining orders and the arrests and conflicts ensuring therefrom.”

Each year, the Violence Against Women Act spends up to $75 million to promote restraining orders. That’s the kind of wasteful federal program that leaves a bad taste in taxpayers’ mouths.

Shattered Men

How to Have Eternal Life

Web Site

Support Group

A disturbing book online now

2009-02-22T03:47:00.000-08:00

I was just reading an abuse group for men this morning, I found this disturbing ad for a website Which from the outside looks like a women's guide to false allegations. I plan on having someone purchase the book (if I don't do it myself) and after reading I'll comment more about what I found.

The author Cathi Adams should not have published such a thing, she seems mainly focused around money, material things and how women can leverage the courts to get/keep them. I truely hope I don't read her advocating false claims of Domestic Violence, I think we're all clear on how I feel about that!

Admittedly, false domestic violence claims are the #1 way women win big in divorce cases, I know it's advocated by some questionable divorce attorneys, because it gives immediate access to the childen, family home, money, vehicle and tosses the accused out on the street!...and let's face it, more often than not, the accused is a MALE! Of course it makes their job much easier, what judge wouldn't take everything away from someone who's been branded an abuser?

References Examining Assaults By Women On Their Spouses Or Male Partners

2009-01-02T17:47:00.000-08:00

Martin S. Fiebert

Department of Psychology

California State University, Long Beach

csulb.edu/~mfiebert/assault.htm 10-10-05

SUMMARY: This bibliography examines 174 scholarly investigations: 138 empirical studies and 36 reviews and/or analyses, which demonstrate that women are as physically aggressive, or more aggressive, than men in their relationships with their spouses or male partners. The aggregate sample size in the reviewed studies exceeds 163,800.

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USATODAY - 12-01-03 - By Linda G. Mills [a New York University professor of social work, an affiliated professor of law and author of Insult to Injury: Rethinking Our Responses to Intimate Abuse.]

“Who would believe the so-called weaker sex can be as guilty of abuse as men can be? But consider these facts: In a 1975 national survey, researchers Richard Gelles and Murray Straus found that nearly equal numbers of husbands and wives committed violent acts against each other. These findings were confirmed 10 years later and in more than 100 additional studies. So, women have a long-established record as abusers. …..

Beliefs about men's and women's violence are so sacred and arouse such strong feelings that the thought of questioning them can sometimes evoke violence. After Steinmetz published her groundbreaking book, The Battered Husband Syndrome, in 1978, she was not only derided and denounced, but her children's lives also were threatened.”

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USA TODAY - 06-22-03 - By Karen S. Peterson

“The little-talked-about involvement of women in mutual aggression with men is "the third rail of the domestic violence field," says Richard Gelles, dean of the University of Pennsylvania School of Social Work. "Touch it and you get electrocuted." Both he and Straus have done studies that caused fiery controversies.

Gelles says the lifetime risk of a woman being struck by a male intimate partner is about 28%. And "depending upon who is doing the survey and how you measure it, you could get numbers of up to 50%.." But he says a man's lifetime risk of being struck by a woman is also about 28%. ….

The subject of partner violence is a minefield. Even defining it is controversial. Some call verbal abuse a form of battering. And all sorts of studies are done in all sorts of ways. Those based on crime statistics and reports from women's shelters tend to show dramatic aggression by men against women. (Gelles cautions that some men may not realize or admit they have been assaulted by a woman and may not report it as a crime or seek treatment.)

"Family conflict" studies may reflect a broader population, Straus says, and take into account lesser types of aggression that don't lead to arrests or broken limbs. These studies show about the same rates of aggression by men and women.

It is clear that women suffer physically more at the hands of men than the reverse, says Faye Wattleton of the Center for the Advancement of Women. But still she says it is good to bring new research to public attention. "I applaud the women who had the courage to present these findings. We don't make progress by suppressing the evidence."

Find this article at: usatoday.com/news/health/2003-06-22-abuse-usat_x.htm

URGENT: Take Action Today on Biden Selection!

2008-08-25T13:48:00.000-07:00

Whether you are a Democrat or a Republican, whether you plan to vote for Barack Obama, John McCain, or none of the above, this message is of vital importance ...

This morning at 3am Sen. Barack Obama released an announcement naming Sen. Joseph Biden as his vice presidential running mate. As we know, VAWA is Sen. Biden’s signature legislation. Biden has bragged, “What I’m most proud of in my entire career is the Violence Against Women Act.”

Oddly, most members of the voting public don’t know that important fact. So it’s up to us to turn that around.

The next 72 hours – between now and the beginning of the Democratic convention on Monday afternoon – offer an extraordinary opportunity for us to get that message out. So we are asking each and every person reading this Alert to take 10 minutes today, Sunday, and Monday.

Today, we are asking you do the following:

Practically every newspaper in the country has set up a blog on its website. Today, we’d like you to go to the blog and made sure everyone on the blog knows the Violence Against Women Act is Biden’s brainchild. Then explain why VAWA has been so harmful to families and children.

Feel free to refer to RADAR’s Special Report, A Culture of False Allegations: How VAWA Harms Families and Children: http://www.mediaradar.org/docs/RADARreport-VAWA-A-Culture-of-False-Allegations.pdf. For more information, visit the RADAR website at http://www.mediaradar.org.

Make sure your comments are respectful and polite.

IF WE ARE GOING TO REFORM VAWA, EVERY LAWMAKER AND VOTER MUST HEAR THE WORDS, “FIX VAWA NOW!”

Escalating claims of abuse

2008-01-28T13:09:00.000-08:00

I should have prepared for it, knowing there was no end to what she would do to hurt me and keep our children away from me. I should have known, because she put it right there in her petition for protection against domestic violence. SHE said "I" threatened to take our children away and not let her see them, after everything else she alleged fell into place (in reverse) meaning everything so far she alleges I did or would do, turned out to be something SHE would be doing.

But again I let my guard down, thinking she would not accuse me of the unspeakable, but I was wrong! After spending some time with Pinellas County Sheriff's answering their questions, I then KNEW she was capable of almost anything, so aside from mailing out birthday/christmas gifts I have no plans of ever putting myself in a situation that could be turned into any kind of allegation by her EVER again!

It's sick, she moved on and all I wanted was to remain a part of our children's lives, for a while I was able to call every night and talk to them so they knew I still loved them and missed them, make regular visitations with them (which costs me ALOT because I'm now on disability and the trip down to see them and put us up in a hotel and feed us leaves me with little or nothing to live on for the month) BUT.....I was more than willing to do that, because our children matter to me.

Now I'm faced with being alienated from their lives because anytime I 'try' to maintain contact with them, she'll come up with some other allegation that will either land me back in JAIL or back in COURT.

I've gotta tell ya, the domestic violence industry is a FRAUD, just like Child Protective Services..how many HOW MANY children do you hear about every day lost or put at risk while in CPS care?!....what about the one's we DON'T hear about, you know the cases swept under the rug to spare these people embarassment?!

Family courts aren't much better, they "err on the side of caution" ...meaning they make the politically POPULAR decision, rather than base it on facts, evidence, it's merely based on the accuser's word.

I guess you could say I'm bitter, but why shouldn't I be?...I very much wanted everyone (including HER) to be happy, things could have been done far more civally, she could have had her boy friend, divorce and I could have still been part of our children's lives, I'm left with having to back away or face her wrath again and again landing me in jail or under investigation.

I'll just keep sending them gifts on their birthdays and christmas, she can't make anything out of that, my hope is one day when they're old enough they'll see how hard I tried and how hard she pushed me out of their lives. I'm hoping as well that some day she'll seek the HELP she has needed even before we were married to deal with issues her family life dealt her, I think she'll be much happire then.

false claims of Domestic Violence (adultery)

2007-10-21T05:01:00.000-07:00

Something I never thought of, or heard of that makes perfect sense, a person making false claims of Domestic Violence to cover for Adultery!! I wonder why I never thought of that?!

Sure, I had very strong suspicions that she was having an affair, just by her changes in mood, lack of attention to the family and her change in appearance (new clothes, loosing weight, wearing makeup all the time) things she never expressed any interest in.

But the sick part is, why use a false claim to get me out of the picture? I had told her many many times, if she wanted to leave...GO! I'd take care of the kids like I had been doing for over a year while she stepped out, so WHY hurt me and them by doing this?

Perhaps the State of Florida's to blame, they failed to tell her things I already knew about the Domestic Violence Industry (yes INDUSTRY) their goal is funding for programs, if they don't make the situation seem soo out of control, then the government won't give them the funding they need to keep going.

So they make things seem as bad as they can, but by examining the statistics, anyone can see their efforts despite ther harsh methods have failed miserably, and they've succeeded in a modern day witch hunt, where the accused doesn't stand snowball's chance in hell of ever proving their innocence.

Police, judges are taught to regard the Men involved in domestic violence cases as the aggressor and women as the victim, this is the worst form of stereotyping, but it's needed to keep the domestic violence machine well-oiled and running.

The judge in my case could care less about the truth, he's just following "guidelines" as set by the state, which says no matter how ridiculous her claim she's a victim...well she is a victim of her own mind, troubled upbringing, years of abuse which lead to her making the claims she's made, but let's not address that, if we help her "that" way it's going to cost us money, but if we believe her story, lock him up HEY we can MAKE lots of money, and that's what we're really about!

Pay no attention to the failure rate, women dying despite our efforts, or the increase in violent crimes against families from within their own homes due to false accusations of Domestic Violence, cause that would make us look bad.

Personal Experiences

2007-10-06T14:34:00.000-07:00

It's a sad thing all that this has caused me and my children, Because she wasn't truthful from the start, didn't bother getting help she needed before we married our 3 beautiful children pay the price, and I am saddened that I cannot be with them, because every time things begin to settle down and I think that there will be no more HURT, along comes another wave of it pushing me further and further away from the 3 little ones I love the most.

I don't mind saying that had it not been for our children, I wouldn't have stuck it out one single second.

She could have been truthful and I would have been understanding, OK I can't do the kind of work I once did because the stress of it nearly killed me, OK we can't go out and do fancy things or live in nice places anymore because that takes money, I can live with that why can't you?

BUT...to set out with someone else and deny that is what you're doing, leave me with our children for over a year, THEN come back and assert your 'motherhood' take our children and make false allegations against me that not only take me away, but leave our children wondering why daddy has to go away! Then when things don't work out, become more civil to me just to exploit my trust once more, NO! not going to happen, I'll fight to the end (legally) to let my children know, I have ALWAYS loved them, hopefully the courts will get you the help you've needed since before we met, there is no other way to fix what's been done.

The reason I have never mentioned her name or our children's is to protect them, but they're already hurt by this, confused and without help will grow up blaming themselves for what's happened, so unless these things change, they're in for a long ride down a disappointing road.

Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS)

2007-10-06T14:22:00.000-07:00

Along with false allegations of Domestic Violence comes the more disturbing fact that those who's mindset brings them to make such claims without regards to the damage it will cause, will most certainly use children (yours/theirs) to further inflict damage by making false allegations, convincing the children that the other parent is 'BAD' or 'EVIL' and do and say things to reinforce those thoughts in the child's mind.

It can be things such as hanging up or not answering when the target parent calls to maintain contact with their children, missing visitations and when confronted with this in court, make ridiculous excuses (which more often than not, are believed by Judges) as to why they didn't keep their COURT ORDERED visitation schedule and allow the target parent time with their children.

Some informative sites to visit to educate yourself on what Parental Alienation Syndrome is can be found below:

http://www.paskids.com

http://www.fact.on.ca/Info/pas/walsh99.htm

http://www.breakthroughparenting.com/PAS.htm

Don't do this to your children, it's not their fault you and your signifigant other can't get along!

Stories of False Domestic Violence

2007-09-29T13:18:00.000-07:00

Please share your personal experience of being falsely accused of domestic violence. Help law makers, police, judges, investigators understand that just because someone alleges they are the victim of domestic violence, does not mean every person's word should blindly be taken at face value (just to "err on the side of caution") as most judges favor as a ruling factor in all Domestic Violence cases (whether they involve men, women, children or same sex partners).

There is a complex analysis of Family and Social dynamics which must be evaluated, scrutinized or Justice is going to FAIL. Think back to the days of the Salem Witch trials, if someone was perceived as a 'witch' by evidence that could not be explained, then the simple answer is...they must be a witch!

Today's society cannot revert back to this way of thinking, or the purpose and function of the judicial system has FAILED and judgements will be made in haste to protect the 'victim' at all costs.

The compelling counter-point to this is when it involves children, due to the fact most child protection services agencies have failed miserably to protect children at risk which has been well documented by mainstream media, these agencies use the mindset of swatting a fly with a sledge hammer just to 'be sure'.

This is not going to work, all that will happen is children will suffer more, the parents will suffer and justice will move on to the next case. As I point out with information, links on my website http://www.FalselyAccusedofDomesticViolence.com clinical Psychologists have discovered an alarming trend of false accusations in what's termed Parental Alienation Syndrome which has varying degrees of complexity, but nonetheless explain that not all allegations of Domestic Violence are legitimate.

Now before anyone questions that I am opposed to Domestic Violence laws to protect those truely in need, I am not, I have had numerous personal experiences where the victim was truely the victim, but sadly through my own experience and personal observations there are those who use strict Domestic Violence Laws for their own personal gain. How many times I have heard people snickering, joking at how easy it was to make that S.O.B. pay for upsetting me or not doing what I want. That folks is what I am truely against, if the 'victim' makes false claims, there should be a mechanism in place with the existing laws to ferret them out and show them the other side of law, punishing them for their false accusations which ultimately ruin a person's life or an entire family's well being.

OK, you say...HOW?! exactly HOW do you do that? My answer is simple, protect the victim, but require that they undergo a comprehensive Psychiatric/Psychological exam, not only to rightfully determine the validity of their claim, but also to help those in need to recover emotionally so they can break the chain which puts them at risk of being abused.

This is the only effective method that does not invite false claims of Domestic Violence.

What's your thought?